Last night as I lay awake (after getting up with Isis) I decided to solicit my friends for advice for three areas in need of help in my life. However, now I can only remember two of them, so we'll go from there. If you have suggestions, experience, or help, please do!
These explanations will be lengthy so I feel I'm giving the complete picture; so you understand the situation and my reasoning.
1. I was under the impression that once kids learned to sleep at night, that's what they do. I can understand occasional night time wakings (being sick, wet diaper, being startled/bad dream). But isn't that the EXCEPTION?? We're lucky if we get ONE night out of the week where Isis doesn't wake up. Three nights ago she woke up three times during the night, one hour right after the other (not enough time, by the way, for me to actually fall back asleep). So my questions are: **Why is she doing this? Her diapers are not soaked, she's not sick....
**How do I stop her from doing it? I have tried letting her "cry it out." I hate it, but I've done it. Isis will seriously cry and cry and cry for HOURS (I think her record is 3). She does NOT cry herself back to sleep. And she's not really crying. She's making a loud crying/ screaming/ moaning sound so that we'll (I'll) come get her. It's gotten to the point where I'm so tired if I close her door and mine I can fall asleep again.... but then I feel guilty. And during the week, I can't just let her scream because Jeremy has to get his sleep (the little that he does) so that he can go to work. **Where is the compromise?
**Is she EVER going to stop doing this?
And while I'm on the topic of sleep, how much is she supposed to get? Am I a bad/lazy mom if I don't want her to get up and start our day at 5:00am? Is that normal? If it is, I'll readjust my mindset. But sleeping from 8:30pm to 4:50am doesn't seem right. Where's that ideal kid that sleeps 12 hours? Definitely not in this house. I try to keep her on a fairly consistent schedule but... here, look at her schedule and tell me what you think or that I should fix:
Somewhere between 3am and 5am - wake up; I put her back to sleep
8am - awake, read books/play for 1/2 hour
8:30-9am- breakfast; then play at the park, run errands, whatever
Now Isis takes a nap anywhere between 11am and 1pm and sleeps for two hours. This is the next predicament because when do I give her lunch? If she goes to sleep at 11, she just ate breakfast two hours ago. But if she falls asleep before I get lunch to her, she could not eat lunch until 3! Isis is tricky too because she never says or acts like she's hungry.
After her nap we play some more and do whatever we need to do.
7:30pm we eat dinner; yes, it's late but we eat when Jeremy gets home (like right as he walks in the door)
8pm - bath, scripture reading & family prayer, then to bed
Alrighty, what do I fix? Good grief maybe I just need to go to a parenting class. Funny thing is, I took one in college.... when I DIDN'T have any kids! Yeah, that was helpful...
Oh, if you have any great ideas for kids' lunches (like a 2 year old) I NEED them! I'm stuck in a rut of peanut butter & jelly or grilled cheese. We need a change.
Okay, that's enough for one post. If you managed to read this far, you are a true friend. :) I also hope that means you will try to help me out. (p.s.- be gentle, in my tired/emotional state I really don't need to hear what a crummy job I'm doing. I just need some suggestions... or sympathy :) ) Thanks in advance.
10 years ago
9 comments:
Honestly Rachel, kids come with their own time clocks....so worry that the world tells you to eat lunch at noon. If it ends up being 3pm...no worries! Our kids had the same problem with the sleeping thing, but to give you hope, by 3 years they figured it out. I don't think there is an answer for the kids who don't sleep....Leigha has been in a "big" girl bed since she was 18 months, and ever since then has consistently come to our bed....like every single night. Don't stress too much over it, although it's hard, she will grow out of it.....I promise!! I'm sorry that your tired, I know that just exacerbates everything....big hugs!
I need to think and get back to you. You're not a crummy mom! :) You're a great mom. Isis' happy nature is proof of that!
Ok - I thought, and now I'm back. I'm a HUGE sleeping fan! :) More than anything else, this is what I focused on the most when Little Sal was Baby Sal. I have a kid who sleeps 12 hours at night and takes a 2 hour nap. I have the kid who took 3 naps a day until he was 10 months old. It may just be him!? Kids are all different. What works for one doesn't work for anther. That being said: here are my lengthy comments to your lengthy explanations. :)
1. Kids Isis and Little Sal's age should get 12 hours of sleep at night and should take at least a 2 hour nap. It sounds like Isis gets great daytime sleep, but she struggles with nighttime sleep. As you said, waking up during the night (at this point) should be occasional. She should occasionally wake up like when she is sick, or has a bad dream. These incidents should be rare.
2. It doesn't matter what form of soothing you use to help Isis sleep or to help her get back to sleep as long as you are consistent. I used the "cry it out" method which is really horrible for about 3 days. Every time we had a transition, and even one time when I changed Baby Sal's schedule to accomadate me better, I used this method. For us it was the most efficient, but not everyone can do it. To ease us into "crying it out" we would go by the 5 minute rule. If he woke up in the night, I let him cry for 5 minutes. I would go check on him. I would never pick him up or take him out of bed (unless he needed a diaper change). I would talk to him, calm him down, rub his belly, whatever. After he was calm, I left. He was always awake. If he started crying again, this time I would wait 10 minutes. I would calm him down. Then I would leave him awake in his bed. If he cried again, this time I waited 15 minutes. I never had to go more than 20 minutes. This helped Little Sal learn to put himself to sleep without us, and helped us transition into the "crying it out" method.
3. Kids/Babies do have their own biological clock, but overall kids have the same clock. Isis probably comes out of her deep REM sleep at 3 am and because she is shifting out of her sleep cycle, she may wake up. It's hard for her to fall asleep on her own, so even though her body wants to continue sleeping, she needs you to help her. The key is to get her to do it on her own. An 8pm to 8 am nightime sleep schedule is great!! I think this should be your goal.
4. You say she makes noise (moaning, crying, screaming) so you'll "come get her." Does that mean out of the crib? Do you hold her? Again, as long as you're consistent with whatever you do and are willing to do it everytime she wakes up, your soothing routine is fine. I didn't want to pick Sal up everytime because I knew I wouldn't WANT to do it everytime. So I chose to just pat him and talk to him a little. You have to do what works for you and Isis.
5. Guilt is a natural mommy feeling. Try your best not to feel guilty about wanting your family to get quality sleep! It will make everyone happier and healthier if you're all getting good sleep!
6. Jeremy needs to get some earplugs. :) They worked great for Sal when we were "sleep training."
7. There is no such thing as "normal." You have to do and be on a schedule that works for you and your family. My suggestion on your schedule would be to try and make lunch a more consistent time during the day. It doesn't have to be noon. You eat a late dinner, which is understandable, so let's say you pick 1. Strive to always eat lunch at 1 and lay Isis down for her nap after that. Sundays are tricky of course, and you're always going to have days where you just can't eat at 1, but strive for that. Pick a time and make it stick. It will help Isis and her "clock" program itself to sleep at the same time and she may even show signs of hunger at that time. like I mentioned, it doesn't sound like she has a hard time with daytime sleep, but better daytime sleep will lead to better nighttime sleep.
8. "putting her back to sleep" means what exactly? What do you have to do to put her back to sleep? How much does she do on her own?
At this point Isis knows that if she makes enough noise, you'll come get her. That is exactly what she wants. You're her favorite person in the whole world, and she wants to spend time with you. An idea might be to try some sleep training on the weekends when Jeremy can do it. Sometimes daddy is not as appealing as mommy, or it may be easier for Jeremy to let her 'cry it out.' Just a thought.
Also - if you feel like she isn't getting enough sleep, an ultra early bedtime may help get her there. The idea that the latter you put a kid to bed the later they'll get up is somewhat bogus. It depends on their "clock." If Isis is ready to start her day at 8 (which it sounds like is what you're shooting for) then she will wake up and be ready for her day at 8 no matter what time you put her to bed. An ultra early bedtime (like I'm talking 530 or 6 here) can give her the couple extra hours of sleep she needs to make up for what she is missing by getting up. It will also help her stay asleep. I know that sounds weird, but I've done it with Sal at every sleep transition, and it really works! If he misses a nap, he goes to bed extra early. If he has bad dreams during one night and gets up 4 times (see my blog) then he goes to bed extra early the next night. He still goes to sleep when I put him to bed and he stays asleep until at least 7 (which is our wake up time).
To conclude my extremely lengthy comment on your post, I would say this "Keep your chin up!" You're a GREAT mom and your kid is a doll. She'll figure it out. She just needs you to help her get there on her own. If you are interested in more unsolicited sleep advice - feel free to email me. joellendgiani@gmail.com
First off like everyone has said so far you are a great mom! Secondly I don't know if I have any advice for you but I do have sympathy. Rachel and Benjamin go to bed at 8 and get up at (are you ready for this) 6 am!! They are consistant with this no matter if I put them to bed earlier or later, every morning it's the same time. We find it exciting if they sleep in to 6:30. Ahhh 30 more minutes of blisfull sleep or snuggling with Marc is always nice. But those days are far and few between. Ever since Rachel was born she has been an early riser and it bugs me to pieces to hear about other kids who go to bed at 8 and wake up at 8 or 9. But every kid is different and I find you can't change them if you want to. There are some nights when Rachel will get up 1-3 times and come into our room. If she does that we just turn her around and walk with her back to her bed. We tell her we love her, it's bed time and we will see her when it's light outside, but not before. Since we started doing that it has seemed to help. We hated having Rachel cry it out too, it's soooo hard on everyone! I don't remember how we got through it (and I'm not looking forward to it with Benjamin) but I know that we did. I do remember using soft music (classical or soft church music) in her room after we put her down. That helped. Then we gradually weaned her off of that by turning it down lower each time, then after a while we would turn it off after she fell asleep. She hasn't need it for about 1 year now. I think sometimes they just need some 'white-noise'.
One thing to remember about kids and food: they won't starve themselves. There are some days when Rachel is just too tired to have lunch before her nap so she has it after. We have breakfast early (7 am) then we have a snack at 9, lunch at 11 or 11:30 and naps at 12. It's a little earlier than some kids but it works for our early risers. She wakes up at 2-2:30 we have a snack, dinner at 5:30 (marc doesn't get home till 8) then snacks at 7:30 and bed at 8. I would love to have a family dinner with Marc but 8 is WAY to late for us. He understands so I just feed the kids then. What if you tried feeding her dinner earlier and then when Jeremy comes home she can have bedtime snack. Maybe with a fuller tummy she would sleep better? Just something to think about.
Lunch ideas: I buy chicken nuggets at Costco and we have those for lunch with apple sauce. Some other things we do are apple slices, with cold cuts and cheese and crackers. SOmetimes I take a tortilla and put PB&J (or meat, cheese and butter or you can just do cream cheese and meat) on that, roll it up and cut it into 'wheels', and we have apple slices, or peaches, pears etc on the side. Mac-n-cheese is always easy, if you add veggies in it it's even better. Rachel is now into meat sandwhiches (bread, butter and a slice of lunch meat). Left overs are always game for lunch. Bean burritos are a favorite at our house. Sides of corn chips, cheeze-it, or gold fish crackers are fun too. Hot dogs cut up and quarterd, or garden burgers (burgers made with veggies), or beef burgers with any of the sides I've already listed are also a favorite. I like to use the garden burgers more often because she gets veggies and doesn't even know it plus it's way healthier for her. Also yogurt can be a side at any meal or even used for a snack. If you put teddy grahams or animal crackers in it, it makes it extra fun to eat, becuase they can dig for the creacker.
Well I'm sure that I've written more than enough. I hope this helps, good luck, know that you are NOT alone!!! Many moms feel the exact same way.
I followed Baby Wise, it helped me get my kids on a sleep pattern from day one. But, it gives lots of advice on what do in these situations.
I was going to say a few things but you have some pretty long comments that probably cover what I was going to say...
You ARE a GREAT mom! That is why you get the difficult kiddo. What would a lousy (for lack of a better word) mom do? Nothing.
The sleep thing sounds like she might need to cut back on her naps. Like if you woke her up (a parenting felony-I know) after an hour she might be ready for sleep and too tired to pull all that other crap later in the night. I almost completely agree with Joellen...Just not on #7 but that is just me. Jacqueline always said that no kid will ever let him/herself starve to death. So Isis will surely eat lunch at some point every day. Also Korryn said that its no biggie. My kids hardly eat EVER but they do get fed and have learned to sleep to my satisfaction. I have done the cry it out in 5 minute increments as well and it is a proven method. Also ear plugs help alot. YOU might even want some to get through the cry it out without feeling AS guilty. You need your sleep too so this is as important for you as it is for your baby. Cutting out naps might be the last thing you WANT to try right now but eventually that will be cut out and she will only sleep at night. I am talking even if it doesn't happen until kindergarten. Eventually people stop taking naps. I just thought that if you keep her up (using love and quiet playful time) she might be STARVING for sleep by 7 or 8 and then her sleep cycles will prove more productive for her. If you try this and she decides that since she went to sleep early she will also wake up early, you might have to work out some kind of method for her not "bothering" you until you are ready to wake up. Like a couple quiet books in her crib or something.
As for the food...we like mini corn dogs here and tuna sandwiches and cheese sticks and bean burritos and chicken fries or poppers. All usually can be done in the microwave. They offer a variety and are still kid friendly.
Wow, lots of great comments! I'm sorry you're not getting much sleep! Quality of life seriously diminishes with lack of sleep. You poor thing. And of course you're a great Mom! Isis always looks so happy and healthy. Except in those stuck-in-between-the-crib-bars pictures :0) We all have those wonderful moments, right? All these wonderful comments don't leave anything to be said really, but I can echo, here goes: For sleep, I've always found the key for our kids is having them fall asleep on their own. This was so hard for Liam at first, we did the cry for 5 minutes, then 10 minutes thing. And it did work. To start slowly, we would just do our bedtime routine and quiet cuddle or nurse and when they were sleepy but not asleep, put them into their bed, or if they did fall asleep during bedtime cuddle we'd wake them up a little, and then put them to bed. The younger two have been much better sleepers. Partially because we learned to not pick them up at every turn when they were new, even though it's so hard to do :0) and then there's the whole personality thing.
We've been in a lunch rut too! Sometimes we have leftovers from dinner. But by and large we do sandwiches. Sometimes eggs. We love cucumber slices, and yogurt. Hmmm, good luck! You're awesome! I'm thinking about you :0)
Agh!!!! Sleep deprivation is the worst. The WORST!!! It made me so non-functional. My only advice is to read The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (it is a more in depth book than the original, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer). If the cry it out method hasn't worked for you, she has a great alternative! I have loved and used her book for every baby stage so far.
Rachel, you are a wonderful mom, but I understand the sleep deprivation. You have some great comments so let me say ditto on JoEllen's; she is right on. And also let me say Babywise is a great book. I took what I needed and left out what I didn't. Don't worry you will figure it out. Chin up and keep motoring on! Love ya gal!!
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