I received many comments on facebook filled with encouragement, suggestions and ideas, and empathy. One friend sent me an email and it struck just the right chord. I think mostly because she articulated the ideas I've had floating around in my head or have attempted to implement but haven't maintained. Whatever it was, she was inspired to write to me because her words pulled me out of my mire of pity and frustration and immediately motivated me. (As in, I created my jars that night and began the very next morning.)
Our new Gwin family rules are:
LOVE
PEACE
RESPECT
ASKING
ORDER
OBEDIENCE
Isis and Elise each has a little jar that sits in the kitchen for all to see with their name on it. When they earn 8 little glass beads (we call them "gems" :) ) in their jar (glass because it is a sensory stimulator and attention grabber to hear a bead hit the jar or be removed) they are awarded a prize. Gems are earned by adherence to the family rules, and lost by not obeying, "Awesome Elise! I just saw you take your dishes to the sink and I didn't have to ask! Thanks for keeping order!" CLANK, CLANK! Or, "Bummer! Elise! You just grabbed from your sister's hand. That isn't showing respect or asking. I have to take out a bead." SWIPE! I have to be on top of what they are doing, and make sure I am rewarding, or revoking as needed. I don't yell, they are accountable instantly for their behavior good or not so great.
They picked prizes from the dollar spot at Target and so when they earn their 8 gems they get to choose from their individual prize bag. They really love that. :)
I LOVE these one word rules for two reasons: 1.) they are pretty much all encompassing for any situation and 2.) they give a "why" for our expected behavior.
These are positive words, as opposed to a long list of negative "don'ts". And I don't foresee having to create a new "rule" for every situation that arises. My hope is that as they grow up with these family rules in their minds those same words will come to them - Is this showing respect (to myself/others)? Am I keeping order? Am I showing love? (And the thought just occurred to me that maybe I should change the word "rules" to "standards." I think I like that even more.)
And for added justification of our standards I picked some scriptures to support picking each of them. Of course there are lots so here are just a few of the ones I chose:
Love- Mosiah 4:15; Mosiah 23:15
Peace- Romans 12:18; 1 Corinthians 14:33
Respect- Exodus 20:12; Colissians 3:20; 1 Corinthians 3:16
Asking- Matthew 7:7 (Doctrine & Covenants 4:7); James 1:5
Order- 1 Corinthians 14:40; Doctrine & Covenants 88:19; Doctrine & Covenants 132:8
Obedience- Colissians 3:20; Proverbs 23:22; Alma 3:27; Alma 57:21
This has worked SO WELL. It helps me stay positive and focus on what they are doing well... but also involves consequences for non-compliance.
So that's where I'm at and it feels happy.
Next post...catch up... :)
