Here Again

Well, I had (have) a new year's resolution to write on my blog at least once a month. ...... I am only 3 months behind! :)
 A catch up post is futile and most anyone who reads this either talks to me or receives our Christmas card. So let's move forward, shall we? 
We are doing pretty well. Two weeks ago we had a fast trip to Idaho for my Grandma Elison's funeral. Although the mental presence of the grandmother I've loved has been gone for a few years, it is still sad to say the physical goodbye. Grandma loved to learn and she loved to share what she learned. She talked to us about nature and geography, Native Americans and books. I, along with my siblings and cousins, remember one summer when she held a etiquette/manners dinner for all of us. (I'm curious if we had hit a button and she just couldn't take our poor manners anymore.) Just one more thing to teach us. While my family lived in Chile and I was at BYU I had many opportunities to visit Grandma's house. I loved how peaceful it always was. Some of my best memories are sitting at her kitchen counter talking to her while she did the dishes. I loved those talks. I never doubted she loved me.

Her Alzheimer's was triggered by a terrible car accident in 2003. After the accident the disease progressed quickly. Thirteen years later, her death became a blessing after Alzheimer's robbed her of the last 10 years. But 77 is too young for a grandma to die. (Her dad, who passed away only 5 years ago, lived to 100!) Her funeral was a sad occasion but it was nice to see all my cousins and aunts and uncles. We haven't all been together for a long time. Funerals always get me thinking about my own death. Morbid, I know. With this one I concluded that if I can ask Heavenly Father for my death "time table" it would be that I will die when it doesn't cause a huge disruption to people's lives (like when we have small children), before I become a burden to my spouse and children, and when I've made enough of a difference in my family and friend's lives that I would be missed.
Currently, I'm trying to figure out how to best help my Aubrey. Aubrey was medically diagnosed with Autism last Fall. It doesn't bother me that she has been diagnosed with Autism (I've know deep down this was the case for quite a while), but I am bothered that I want to help her but feel so helpless. I feel like we make so little progress. Two steps forward, 4 steps back. She'll be reevaluated at the end of April for placement in an early childhood autism program through the school district. The likelihood is that she will be in school all day, 5 days a week. When I was first told that I bawled. She'll only be 3! I wasn't anticipating "losing" my baby that fast. But I also want to do what is best for her and what will help her make the most progress and reach her fullest potential. I'm glad I had a year in a autism preschool class (just as an aide); it's come in handy. But I still feel so clueless. What are the right therapies for her? How do I help her reach her fullest potential? How do I help her acknowledge people? Will she ever talk? Will she ever say "Mommy" or "I love you"? I don't know. I do know that I love her imeasurably. And that this is so hard. Thankfully, the medications she is on have controlled all her seizures and she hasn't had any since December 10th! Such a blessing!! (Of course I wonder if the seizure medication interferes with her learning/processing/speaking.... One thing at a time...) Ah, the things you never expected to deal with in life... It's amazing how Heavenly Father makes us strong enough for the task at hand. Or at least the next step. 

It is late but I have my first blog of the year! Woohoo! :) Being Easter Sunday I feel impressed to add my simple testimony of my Savior. Because He lives happiness and heaven are possible. Goodbyes are not forever. Because He lives there is hope. Hope that I can change and be better. Hope that with His help I have the strength to bear and learn from my trials. My Savior knows my name. He knows my struggles, my heartaches, my desires, and my joy. In Him, I have an unfailing and perfect Friend.I know that my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, lives!