**Disclaimer** If you like nursing you may not want to read this. Additionally, this is not intended to offend anyone. These are my own personal feelings and are not to appear judgemental towards anyone's circumstances, whether you like nursing, can't, don't want to, whatever.
Though writing from honest feelings, I am laden with guilt over them. Nonetheless, here are a few of my feelings and thoughts on breastfeeding:
The Positives
*I know, or at least have read, how beneficial breastfeeding is for babies - from better health to illness prevention to brain development. That's why I do it. I love my babies and want to give them the best start possible.
*I would feel SO guilty if I didn't nurse when I am able to. (And if I'm able to, formula is one expense that we don't need.)
*It's very convenient and requires no preparation.
Not-So-Positives
*I do NOT like it. It is now less painful than with Isis but it's not comfortable and I always feel awkward doing it with other people around or anywhere but home.
*I feel guilty/bad that I don't feel that warm, fuzzy special bonding while nursing. I just don't. So am I an insensitive mom? I still love my baby more than anything.
*It's frustrating that I'm the ONLY person who can feed her. I'm the only one that has to get up at night because, well, she does have to eat.
*I hate sitting and not being able to do anything all day. All I get to do is sit and see how messy my house keeps getting and feel guilty for having to tell Isis over and over again no, I can't play right now.
*At times when she's not hungry I still have to act as a human pacifier.
*I hate that I can rarely hold and cuddle my baby without her immediately wanting to eat.
*And this is completely selfish but I want my body back. I already sacrificed it for 9 months. I hate my chest being sore so frequently (for various reasons), I hate leaking, and I hate feeling like a cow. (That feeling is only exacerbated when I pump.)
Well, I guess that about sums it up... time to feed the baby again. Gotta go.
5 comments:
You're so cute. As you might remember, I HATED breastfeeding. I did it a total of 1 year with three kids. I feel your pain and am proud of you for continuing to do it, even though! You are better than me! LOL
You're so brave and tough for sticking it out. And I know it's better for the babies, blah blah blah, but we happen to live in a time when formula is almost as good (which is what the doctor said when Nadine was discharged after her re-admittance). And I happen to know several doctors who somehow became smart despite no breast milk.
I honestly think if it is horrible every time, the baby isn't truly getting as many benefits as the breast feeding crazies want us to believe. There's something so wonderful about (1) not dreading feedings, and (2) letting someone else do it half the times.
I breastfed a total of 3 whole days, until it turned out that was starving Nadine. Then I pumped for a month, and then I realized the price of formula was nothing compared to the emotional stability provided by Similac.
I know exactly how you feel - especially that part about not having that fuzzy, bonding feeling. I tried, but I just got bored nursing until I started entertaining myself with books.
Also, as legal and as acceptable as it is to nurse in public, I'm just uncomfortable with it for myself. I once watched in awe as one of my cousins, without breaking her stride, pulled her newborn from the sling, pulled up her shirt, and nursed while walking through the zoo. When I had to nurse my baby, I insisted on finding a bench in the shade of a tree and covering up - for ME, because that's how I was comfortable.
I'm a breastfeeder, because I do believe it's best for both of us, but that doesn't mean I like it. I did a happy dance when I got Susanna weaned!
Formula is dang expensive and I'm happy to only have a few more months of it left!
Why didn't God make men able to lactate? That should be the trade off! Here - I will carry your huge child and let it feed off me like a parasite for 9 months. I will watch my butt get humongous and my belly become riddled with stretch marks. I will labor for almost a day and deliver this huge thing. YOU NURSE!
Wouldn't that be awesome?
I was sad that breastfeeding didn't work out for me. But I do totally understand what you mean about having your body back. I want it just to myself! :)
I didnt like nursing the first time either, but I felt like it got a little bit easier with each kid. With #3, I didnt feel nearly so weird about it! Also, with Isis misbehaving, we had the same problem when #2 came home from the hospital. It is so hard for them to have to share mom and dad. They need extra attention, which is so hard to do because the baby needs extra attention too. You need more people to bring you dinner! Best of luck with getting use to two kids. Its SO challenging, and its a HUGE adjustment.
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